Posted by: Viola | May 23, 2014

Letting Go. Loving Loss.

Sometimes, in the conversations we have about letting go, the things we are releasing get cast as terrible things, things without redemption. And that is totally fair. Who wants to hold onto a bad thing? A hurtful or harmful thing? Or person? Or a failure we have experienced? I am almost always having that conversation, with myself, or with someone. Reminiscing about the hard and harsh things experienced or encountered. Hating the hardships. I forget that these difficult things have made me. Have pushed me. Have freed me. What would it be like to accept those dark things? I cannot say for sure. But more and more, I try to have the other conversation with myself, the one in which I tell myself to not necessarily glorify my wounds but at least embrace them, acknowledge the role they play in the choices I make today. I look forward to a day when I can say, “Loss, you are unpleasant but you are OK. You are beloved, too, just as much as Gain.” In losing things and dreams and places and people, I gained things. Sometime those things were lessons, important ones. Life-changing lessons. And sometimes, the things I gained were spaces within myself, empty spaces, cleared of clutter and waste, open and free for new stories. I gained time and myself. Doors were closed to me or I closed those doors, but in the closing, an opening was made within me for new paths, for chances to try new things, for choices to be fearless and not follow the predictable routes. Loss, profound loss, has clarified my vision in ways I could never have imagined. I simply don’t see a lot of things in the same way that I did before I experienced loss. I see differently. I see. In fact, in the past, my eyes may have been closed, blind, most of the time. Now, I have new eyes.

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