Posted by: Viola | July 16, 2010

Letter to Cameroon

What if I leave you behind? I mean, what if I truly leave you behind? If that is even possible. But what if I go ahead and try? I have been thinking of moving on. Of accepting that I live in another world, far away from Cameroon. That perhaps I’m growing to love where I am. That I have changed quite a bit to fit into this new world and that I don’t fit so well in Cameroon. That I am starting to feel at home right where I am. That I miss you, but I am not crying over you the way I used to. I have been thinking that it feels nice to be happy, even though I am so far from you. It feels nice to discover that I can be happy in another place. This knowledge liberates me, makes me feel that my joy in life is not dependent on you. For years, you were my long-lost lover, the beloved one I could not live without. Maybe you will always be this way to me, in some form or other, a thing that once fulfilled all my desires like nothing else could. But for now, I feel strong. I feel confident that I can move forward, take one step in a new direction, stop trying to cross an an expansive ocean to get to you, try loving something else and some place else and not just you. So, Cameroon. What if I leave you behind? Do you think it’s possible?

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